jokes.laminatory.waw.pl

Angielskie dowcipy / Work/School

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15 Signs You Forgot Secretaries Day

1. Phone messages delivered on end of spear. 2. Your important dictation somehow seems to blah blah blah I am a slave-driving cheapskate. 3. A copy of the latest bestseller "So, Your Head's Up Your Ass, Now What?" appears on your desk. 4. When did... [cały ->]

Absent From School Excusess

1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault. 4. ... [cały ->]

Creative Answering Machine Messages

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and ... [cały ->]

Driving Test Answers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q:... [cały ->]

Less Common Latin Phrases

Quo signo nata es? What's your sign? Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt. You know, the Romans invented the art of love. O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem! Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm! Spero nos familiares mansuros. I hope we'll sti... [cały ->]

Phrases for Work.

48 Phrases you wish you could say at work! 1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you've set aside... [cały ->]

Cheerleaders

Whats the most embrassing thing for a cheerleader? When she does the splits and 8 class rings fall out!... [cały ->]

Salad

Boss asks secretary "Do you know the difference between Ceasar Salad and a blowjob is?" "No", says the secretary. "Great, Let's do lunch." the boss says.... [cały ->]

A short poem for today.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Also, help me to be careful of the t... [cały ->]

Bank Teller

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account." To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account ... [cały ->]

Be Poetic

"When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them." The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this, so the pharmacist says that he should observe ... [cały ->]

COMMAND REDUCTION OF ARMY PERSONNEL ( C.R.A.P. )

As a result of DOD budget cutbacks, we are forced to reduce the size of the force. Under CRAP, older soldiers will go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of lower paid soldiers who represent the Army's future. A program to phase out... [cały ->]

Deductive Reasoning

Neighbor 1: "Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving." New Neighbor: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly." Neighbor 1: "So, what is it you do for a living?" New Neighbor: "I am a professor at the... [cały ->]

Definition of a good date!

These three women were roommates. One night they all had all gone out on dates and all came home at about the same time. The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up." The second one... [cały ->]

Don't Erase This

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The n... [cały ->]

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