Angielskie dowcipy / The Elderly
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Aging
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Insanity is my only means of relaxation. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets. You'... [ca造 ->]
Great truths about life
1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. 2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 3. Reason to smile: Every... [ca造 ->]
Old & New concerns
Old & New concerns for the baby boomers: Then: Long hair. Now: Longing for hair. Then: Keg Now: EKG. Then: Acid rock Now: Acid reflux. Then: Moving to California because it's cool. Now: Moving to California because it's hot. Then: ... [ca造 ->]
Old Folke' Party Games
10. Musical Recliners 9. Spin the bottle of Mylanta 8. Hide and Go Pee 7. Simon Says something Incoherent 6. Doc, Doc Goose 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse says Bend Over 4. Kick the Bucket 3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear 2. Pin... [ca造 ->]
OLD is when...
"Old" is when... ...your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!" ...your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. ...a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pace... [ca造 ->]
Perks of being over 40...
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run into a burning building. 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you ... [ca造 ->]
Proud To Be A Senior Citizen...
I'm the life of the party...even when it lasts till 8 p.m. I'm very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer. I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspi... [ca造 ->]
Signs you've grown up!
1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an... [ca造 ->]
You Know You're Getting Older When
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere. Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D. You get wi... [ca造 ->]
You know you're Middle Aged if...
You??ve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything. The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car-in the ??ten items or less? lane. You??ve stopped supporting your children, and star... [ca造 ->]
You're not a kid anymore when...
You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. You can live without sex, but not without glasses. Your back goes out more than you do. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You buy a compass for the dash o... [ca造 ->]
Be nice to your kids
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.... [ca造 ->]
Line Dancing
What's 30 feet long and smells like urine? A country line dance at the nursing home!... [ca造 ->]
When I die...
When I die I want to go peacefully -- like my grandfather did -- In his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.... [ca造 ->]
Never Forget
There are three things a man over 40 should never forget: Never pass up the opportunity to take a leak. Never trust a fart. Never take a hard-on for granted.... [ca造 ->]
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